If I intervene, will my loved one think I am being hateful, or I am forcing a “showdown”?

There are many myths about intervention.  Some think it is an uncaring attack or an emotional ambush directed toward punishing the alcoholic.  Some look at intervention as the “inquisition” or trial.  But real intervention is based on love, on care on an intense desire to help someone come in from the cold and into the light.  The greatest force in combating addiction is love.  It is love rather than toughness that breaks through denial.

Would it be best to let my friend work out his own alcohol problems?

The first sin that one can commit against an alcoholic is to do nothing.  To stand on the sidelines and watch as a mighty alcohol laden monster ravishes one more victim into submission. They say things like “If someone is not ready for help or change, then there is nothing anyone can do about this problem.”  Hogwash!  This is a common myth.  James Allen wrote in his landmark book, “Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will affect in the material conditions of his life.”  Alcoholics do not seek help because of miraculously coming to their senses. They seek help because someone or something turns up the heat.  

What would make my brother sober up and stay sober?

There must be a life altering event to shake up the alcoholic so badly that the decision to give up drinking becomes more appealing than staying drunk.  This shake up is loosely called “intervention.” And, it could be an unorganized, grueling jumble of personal tragedy for the alcoholic and the family.  This may be in the form of divorce, job loss, financial ruin, domestic violence, child neglect, jail, cirrhosis, insanity and ultimately death.  Something must shake up his entire world before an alcoholic will seek recovery.  That type of intervention can take years to destroy a man’s will.  A better, very successful type of intervention can take a few short weeks with proper planning. This intervention includes love, kindness and help from a few friends and family.

Am I ready to intervene in my employee’s life?

The fact that you have read this far indicates that you are willing to intervene to save a life.  Napoleon Hill wrote, “The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance will rise up to help.” 

What exactly is “enabling?”

Enabling is a word bandied about quite a bit.  It is possible that we are contributing to the problem even though we believe we are trying to solve the problem.  Every alcoholic must have someone to enable his habit for it to exist. It is done in a number of ways, including loaning money, taking over responsibilities, making up excuses, covering the problem, and allowing an alcoholic to be manipulative.

Why do my efforts, to try helping my husband quit drinking, turn into World War III?

Dr.Vernon Johnson in his book, I’ll Quit Tomorrow, writes ,“The reason alcoholics are unable to perceive what is happening to them is understandable¼ for many reasons, they are progressively unable to keep track of their own behavior and begin to lose contact with their emotions. Alcoholics don’t know what is happening inside of them.”  Reason and logic will not work against them. Alcoholics will undoubtedly come out ahead in the battle of denial. The alcoholic will do anything to keep you off his back. To him, you are his problem, not the alcohol and suddenly you are defending yourself

Were does an alcoholic get off telling me that I am part of his “problem?”

Alcohol makes him feel good and if you try to take this away from him, he will feel bad, or so he believes. Following a path of denial, alcohol is not the problem, according to the alcoholic; it’s the person who wants to take alcohol away from him that is the problem.

Why does my fiancé tell me he has stopped drinking, when I know for a fact he hasn’t stopped?

He will promise you anything knowing he will never keep his promises.  You are his last hope.  Intervention is his life line, and you should seek to help him. When you hear, “You can’t help an alcoholic until he’s ready to accept help,” simply tell him to sit back, fasten his safety belts and hold on. You are about to show him that intervention can and does work. You can follow one of our suggested courses of intervention and then Manor House can help you both.

How do I intervene right now?

Before we can proceed on intervention, we must understand some basic concepts. To motivate an alcoholic to accept help requires a new outlook and conditioning. The first thing you must realize is those one‑on‑one confrontations with an alcoholic rarely if ever work. Alcoholics are skillful manipulators and on your own, you will lose.  To overcome an alcoholic, you must work in a group.  The power of the group originated two thousand years ago in Roman times.  AA discovered these principals 70 years ago and many people have tried to rewrite “The Book,” of AA since then, but it remains unchanged since 1935 for the simple reason, it works.