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What is Codependency?
Codependence (or
codependency) is usually defined as a behavior
where an individual exhibits too much, and often
inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on
him or her. Another term associated with being
“codependent” is enabling. In other words, being
codependent is enabling the destructive behavior
of an individual close to you to continue. It
can also mean an individual may rely on the
emotions and opinions of others around them to
determine how they feel about themselves.
There are many things to
consider before labeling yourself an enabler or
codependent. No one should consider him or
herself an enabler or codependent without first
honestly reviewing their own situation and
environment. Being compassionate, sympathetic or
empathetic to a suffering individual’s
predicament does not necessarily mean you are
being an enabler or a codependent. If you, by
chance, are allowing an active alcoholic to live
in your house free of charge while you pay the
bills and this has gone on for a while now,
well, you may be codependent. The reason being
is you are enabling them to continue their
destructive behaviors toward themselves and you.
Taking little to none of the appropriate action
to help a sick individual get well is a good
sign of codependence.
One drawback many
codependents experience is self-identification.
If the destructive behavior has gone on for
years, they may find themselves subconsciously
sabotaging the sick individual’s chances of
getting better. A common fear is, “If they get
better, what will happen to me? I won’t be
needed anymore.” The disease of alcoholism and
drug addiction is sometimes called a family
disease because of all the people it affects. To
some degree, everyone who lives with or is close
to an active alcoholic or drug addict is sick.
Years of destructive and sporadic behaviors of
the alcoholic or drug addict will make a sick
person out of anyone. Nearly no one is immune,
employers, friends, coworkers, and especially
the immediate family members.
Another situation for a
codependent may be the result from being raised
by an active alcoholic or drug addict. Usually
what happens for the codependent in this
scenario is they are overwhelming dependent on
the actions, emotions and opinions of others
(such as a parent) to identify who they are.
They are, in a sense, grown to believe they are
incapable of living a successful life and
usually suffer from extreme low self esteem and
possibly depression or other psychological
disorders.
One solution for someone
who is suffering from codependency and would
like to learn how to live without it is to
attend some type of group support meetings.
There, an individual can find freedom from the
years of negative programming they experienced
as a child, teenager or adult.
There are numerous groups
around the country that can help: Adult Children
of Alcoholics (ACoA); Al-Anon (for friends,
wives and family members of alcoholics in and
out of recovery); and Alateen (for children 12
to 20).
If you or someone you know
is suffering from codependency, there are
options available to you. A quick look in the
local phonebook or newspaper will set you on a
path of change that will benefit you and
everyone around you.
By: Patrick McLemore
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